While the story is heavily truncated, not least by taking a red pen to Thorin, Balin, Dwalin, Fili, Kili, Dori, Nori, Ori, Oin, Gloin, Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur to trim the dwarves, just a little, down to "Thorin", The Hobbit actually does a surprisingly good job of covering the game's narrative. With him lying in a puddle back in Bag End, the only possible result is. This is where you need to type one of the most famous lines in text adventure history-SAY TO THORIN "CARRY ME"-so that you can get a boost to open a window. Trying it though didn't work so well, involving first stepping over Elrond's corpse over in Rivendell, and then getting trapped in a goblin dungeon. Mostly because in The Hobbit, Middle-earth consists of just a few screens. You can still run out through the Shire, like in the movie, only with fists covered with wizard intestines and wearing Thorin's head as a particularly hairy hat, as well as make it through much of Middle-earth without breaking a sweat. It's also a fairly short adventure if you don't have those two characters to hand. He laughs so hard he has a heart attack and collapses with a look of outraged shock." You have a random chance, which somehow ends up being higher than the canonically more likely "You swing at Thorin, just as a bolt of lightning coincidentally strikes him from on high" or "You try to punch Gandalf in the cock. Of course, you're not guaranteed to take out both of those heavy-hitters. Right on the edge of Hell, just next to Colourblind Creek. ♪ Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins! The bravest little hobbit of them all! ♪Īh, the Shire. With one well placed blow you cleave his skull.
Thorin says "Well, are we just going to stand around here all day?"
Thorin, rising to his feet, says to you "Well Mr Baggins, all is ready for our adventure and I must say things are looking very hopeful. I also enjoy jazz.")ĭepending on how you play, it can also be one of the shortest adventures ever, as seen in this transcript of what happened the day Gandalf came to town while Bilbo was in no mood for anyone's shit. First thing people notice about me: My prosthetic murder-hand stabbing their face as I laugh. Hobbies: Murdering dwarf-scum, helping make what should be one movie into three snoozers. By modern eyes, it's about as primitive as an orc's dating profile. To hear some people talk of it, The Hobbit is the greatest text adventure ever.
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